"I'm confident that if this Senate race is decided on issues, ideas and my proven record of performance, you'll allow me to continue serving you."
-Senator George "Macacawitz" Allen (R-Va.), in a campaign ad which aired in Virginia last week.
Translation: "If you people would please forgot that I called a brown-skinned Virginia college student a racial slur that means "monkey", and if you people would forget that I've spent most of my political life pandering to white racists, and if you people would forget that I accused a reporter of casting "aspersions" on my religious beliefs when she asked if I have Jewish family members, and if you people would please forget that I've frequently called black people "nigger", but lied about it when asked, I'm confident that you'll re-elect me."
If you have any other campaign ads that you'd like me to translate into plain English, e-mail me or post it in a comment here.
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