Did Bush's War on Terror™ succeed in Somalia?

With just a few pages remaining on our “countdown to a president who can actually pronounce the word ‘nuclear’ and who doesn’t look or act like he sprouted from the egg of a dim-witted chimpanzee fertilized by the irradiated sperm of Roy Rogers” page-a-day calendars, George W. Bush has already given up even pretending he’s president.

Instead, Dubya is in ex-president mode, focusing his energy on legacy-management.

Roughly half the White House home page is now occupied by links to documents that attempt to spin a positive, alternate history of the Bush years.

The most obnoxious is the 40-pager titled, “100 Things You May Not Know About The Bush Presidency.”

In the “every day is opposite day” dream-world from which the document emanates, Bush actually boasts about his economic leadership.

“[S]ix years of uninterrupted economic growth and 52 consecutive months of job growth,” says one bullet point. Conveniently missing are the bits about how he steered the economy into its deepest hole since the Great Depression.

Even more asinine is this bullet-point boast, appearing under the header “Kept America Safe”: “For more than seven years after September 11, 2001, prevented another attack on our homeland.”

Excuse me? Um, George, you were actually president on 9/11. It was the deadliest ever foreign attack on U.S. soil, and unless Wikipedia is lying to me again, the deadliest violent event in the U.S. since the Civil War’s Battle of Antietam.

“We haven’t had an attack while I was President except for that huge one that happened while I was President,” isn’t much of a boast.

It’s a bit like your wife standing up at your 10th wedding anniversary dinner and toasting you with “Honey, I just want you to know I haven’t been unfaithful to you since that weekend seven years ago when I snuck off to Vegas to star in Gangbang Party 14: Under the Milfy Way. Other than that, honey, totally faithful.”

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