Last night, I was actually CC'd on an e-mail sent to President Ahmadinejad by one of my readers, a woman named Shana Thompson.
Did Ms. Thompson. criticize Ahmadinejad for being a holocaust denier?
Did she criticize him forinching the world closer to nuclear war with his inflammatory rhetoric?
Did she appeal to him to stop imprisoning and murdering political dissidents?
Did she ask him why he would send school children into battle as human minesweepers?
Nope. None of the above.
Ms. Thompson. used her e-mail to apologize "on behalf of most Americans" because I joked about signing him up for gay porn spam.
From: Shana T.
Subject: i'm sorry...
Date: April 20, 2006 9:07:34 PM EDT
To: dr.ahmadinejad@president.ir
Cc: andisheh@creativeloafing.com
on behalf of most american citizens, i would like to apologize for the
possible influx of gay porn that may be headed to your email inbox.
it's socially irresponsible and disrespectful to you as a person to be
subjected to this gross display of immaturity.
all americans are not so cruel.
thank you for your time.
I especially love the "thank you for time" bit at the end. "Gee, Mr. President, I know you're really busy sending your goons out to hunt and kill homosexuals, so I really appreciate you pausing to read my e-mail."
Curious to find out what kind of person would go out of their way to defend a mass murderer from harassment, I did some Googling and discovered that this was not Ms. Thompson's first letter to a despot. It's just one of a series that goes back decades.
From: Shana T.
Subject: i'm sorry...
Date: Year Zero plus 6
To: p.pot@khmerrouge.net
Dear Mr. Pot-
On behalf of most Americans, I'd like to apologize for the totally one-sided depiction of your government in the movie "The Killing Fields." It's disrespectful of you as a person. No omelettes without some broken eggs, right?
Thank you for your time.
From: Shana T.
Subject: i'm sorry...
Date: June 19, 1978 6:19:45 PM EDT
To: bokassa@centralafricanrepublic.net
Dear Mr. Bokassa
On behalf of most Americans, I'd like to apologize for all of the times that reporters have referred to you as a cannibal.
Cannibal is such a hateful, pejorative name. All Americans are not so cruel. I'm sure that if you ate any of your people that you had a good reason. Maybe they're just delicious!
Bon appetit and thank you for your time.!
From: Shana T.
Subject: i'm sorry...
Date: March 2, 1945 12:01:11 PM EDT
To: adolfhitler@3rdReich.com
Dear Mr. Hitler-
On behalf of most Americans, I'd like to apologize for all of the bombs we keep dropping on Berlin. I know you're a busy man and it must be murder trying to get a decent night's sleep with all of that exploding and stuff.
I'd also like to apologize for Charlie Chaplin's satirical depiction of you in "The Great Dictator." It was, like, totally uncalled for, and frankly not nearly as good as his earlier work.
Thank you for your time.
1 comments:
Hey! That's cute! While I appreciate you, in the interest of "journalism", taking the second of two emails that I sent you out of context, I think you and I both understand. I hope the one comment you've received since April has vindicated you.
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